Here’s a comment from a girl who understands pick-up (PU). Women do not find guys who can’t approach attractive, desirable or ‘fuck-able’!

Yes, sometimes women get creeped out when they get hit on in the wrong way. But it remains true that they expect guys to approach them. I cannot even count the amount of times (probably several times a day) that I see an attractive guy and I think it would be great if he just struck up a conversation with me. In fact, half of time I am thinking about what it would be like to f*** him and the most feasible way to arrive at that stage. Even when less-than-attractive guys do it, it’s fun to talk to and even flirt with them. So why don’t I actually approach guys? Girls like guys who will take the lead. The pussy who waits for the girl and just does what she says is not desirable, and most girls would leave their pussy boyfriends at a party to go talk to the confident guy who showed interest in them at a party.

When I got into the game over 5 years ago, there were very limited resources for guys wanting to improve their pick-up skills, unlike today where there are tons of blogs, forums, sites, etc.

So, I spent a lot of time trying to work out things for myself. One of the most important techniques I developed was creating a ‘sarging frame’.

Let me explain this more. When you approach and talk to a girl or group (called a set in PUA lingo), first impressions count… and they will always count! So, within the first few minutes of interacting, if you can convey that you are a fun, friendly, confident, interesting guy, your chances of success are exponentially greater than coming across as boring, serious, insecure and nervous.

I’ve the found the most effective way of communicating that positive aura, is to create and develop a sarging frame… and it’s simpler than you think.

First, imagine yourself, in minute detail, as the guy you want to be that can easily approach and talk to women, and comes across as confident, sexy, playful, etc.

Now keep all those details in your head. Next time you go sarging, immediately bring to the front of your mind all the minute details of the guy you were meant to be, then act it out. It does take some practice, but after a short while you’ll be amazed at how fast you can switch to your sarging frame and be much more successful with women because of it Realize, this is what actors do. They create a mental frame based on the character they are playing.

Creating/developing a sarging frame is just one of the many important techniques we delve into in the new, online PUA training portal: PUALife.com

If you want step-by-step PUA training (with on-going support, motivation and advice), click the image below and get on the VIP list.

I asked members of my forum for their approach anxiety questions. I received many questions via PM, here are the most popular.

Question: Can you really get over approach anxiety?

From personal experience and working with numerous guys that had severe AA, the answer is absolutely! Not only can you get over it, you can completely smash it!

First, understand there is difference between a minor level of social anxiety (experienced by all of us occasionally) and feeling almost overwhelmed by insecurity, inferiority, and timidity. In other words, AA is more than just a minor level of social anxiety.

Second, realize approach anxiety is psychological! Walking up to a girl or group of girls (a set) poses no real threat, so why would most guys feel intimidated by it? The answer to this stems from a lack of knowledge/experience and misconceptions of women an interacting with women. So, when a guy gains knowledge/experience and corrects his misconceptions of women, not only does he get over AA he completely smashes it!

Question: How long does it take to get rid of AA?

AA is a personal thing! I suspect some guys could do it reasonably quickly with plenty of effort and persistence, but typically, one to two months by following a dedicated program with on-going support (see below).

Question: Does AA affect most guys?

From my experience of being in the game for 5 years, and running the PUA Forum for over two years, yes, AA affects most guys to some degree! I’ve had more AA questions sent to me, than any other type of question.

Question: What’s the best way to beat approach anxiety?

Doing it alone takes most guys a long time! Personally, it probably took me more than a year to possibly 18 months. However, very soon I’m launching the first modular-based ecourse with a forum dedicated to helping rAFCs and budding PUAs smash approach anxiety.

The new AA forum will provide on-going and tailor-made advice to every student and will help them get to the stage where they can approach any woman, any where, without feeling inferior or anxious. In fact, instead of dreading approaching they will learn to see the fun side of it and look forward to it!

More from Zip:

 So, you’ve busted through the girl’s bitch shield. You’re sliding into home base, right? No, sir. Not if you are dealing with a high quality girl. A high quality girl is used to getting hit on. Not only is she used to getting hit on, she’s used to letting some guys past her bitch shield. Now, she’ll hit you with some “tests” to ensure that you are truly worthy of her time. Welcome, gentlemen, to the shit test.
 
Shit tests are gages sent out to a guy upon first contact to see how he deals with “x” variable. It is an equation projected on a guy to see how he “deals with it.” It’s her way of gaining control, putting the male into a passive position, and asserting her own indirect control over the situation. The situation, by the way, is your entire interaction.
 
This is a slight tangent, but just so you understand my use of the word “gauge,” I will share a female secret. I often feel like a traitor to my sex, but I am assured by the fact that I feel I am helping men become better candidates for interaction. Actually, I’m doing a favor to all womankind by sharing this secret…
Women often use kissing a man to “gauge” the relationship. Whether it’s a two-week-old relationship or a two-year-old relationship, they will use kissing as the litmus test to “feel out” what a man is “thinking.”
 
This test works because women are born with an innate sense of subtext and ulterior motive, cued by body language. Women are able to, even on a subconscious level, read body language better than most consciously aware males. According to women, men say one thing and mean another. This is why women use “gauges” to “feel out” or “test” men. It’s a way to cut through the bullshit and get to the true meaning of interaction. The initial gauge you will ever face with a woman is the shit test. That is, if you are so lucky to break through her bitch shield.

To really smash approach anxiety, you have to understand why women have bitch shields, and why rejection is nothing personal.

Here’s Zip’s perspective (who is Zip?).

As a woman, I don’t wake up in the morning and pray that some white night does not come rescue me from a paltry existence and sweep me off my feet. However, I don’t wake up in the morning, hoping every guy I meet today will try to get in my pants. Hence, the bitch shield comes in as a way to weed out the losers and get to the guys worth my time.

Sure, I could be nice and give every man equal and fair opportunity to be interviewed for admission to my bed, but I don’t have the time. Plus, it gets old. I’ve fallen victim to a vicious cycle of disinterested behaviour in order to find a man worthy of my interest. It is a routine many women employ as a defence mechanism disguised as an offensive attack.

Why do all the really pretty girls have the biggest bitch shields? Men are visual. Obviously, the hotter the girl, the more likely she’s getting accosted more frequently than a “cute” girl.

Last year I was teaching a guy the pick-up arts. A good guy who’d concentrated hard on his career but had very limited success with women. He was learning quick, but he really struggled with approach anxiety. One night while out sarging, he turned to me and said, “Why can’t women approach me?”. I laughed and told him the following.

There are a number of character traits that women find attractive in men. One of the main ones is being a protector – being able to protect a woman in dangerous or difficult situations (part of masculinity). So, how on earth can a guy convey that attractive character-trait (being a protector) when he can’t even approach women?

There is a significant difference between masculinity and femininity. Masculinity is about courage, risk taking, boldness, etc., where femininity is about gentleness, patience, kindness, etc. Because of the difference, women expect men who are attracted to them to approach and initiate conversations. Yet, very few guys realize this!

So, it’s up to guys to approach women and not the other way round, I told him!

I asked members of my pua forum about their experiences of AA. Here’s some responses I got.

“Brad, I can’t explain it. It’s like you know all you’ve gotta do is just walk over and talk to the girls, but I just can’t do it!”

“My biggest sticky point ever was AA. I was just born as a silent and shy guy. Every time I was thinking about approaching I got so nervous I could feel my heart beating in my chest. There where times I was afraid it would pop out of my chest… lol. This fear and nervous feeling made sure I never approached and if I approached, I just had major freeze-outs.”

“I build myself up before going out to meet girls, convincing myself that I am not actually that bad. I’m reasonable good looking, and quite intelligent. So my efforts to build a good mood work, and I feel great. As soon as opportunities present them self, things fall apart! I’ll not approach a girl I take a liking to, thinking I’ll speak to them later when in truth the fear stops me. This is turn depresses me slightly, taking away my good feelings I came out with. It’s a vicious cycle, and it leads to me drinking more than I intend to (to get that good feeling back) and being that AFC who watches the hot girls wishfully.”

So, what is approach anxiety? AA is an overwhelming emotion and it can be almost paralysing at the time. Specifically, it’s an emotional response to the thought of approaching unknown women. Through my research, I’ve found that AA stems from an unrealistic and sometimes irrational view of women and social interaction.

In my last post, Why Create an Approach Anxiety Blog?, I compared AA to a phobia. According to Wiki :

” A phobia is an irrational, intense, persistent fear of certain situations, activities, things, or persons. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive, unreasonable desire to avoid the feared subject.”

What causes that ‘irrational, intense, persistent fear of” approaching women? It’s a combination of things! And unless a guy corrects his view of women and interacting with them, AA won’t go away… it will be there forever!

The biggest obstacle for almost all guys wanting to meet more women is something called ‘Approach Anxiety’.

Approach anxiety (or AA for short) is an emotional response: A guy sees a girl or group of girls, and he knows all he has to do is go over and start talking to her or the group, but, suddenly, AA (approach anxiety) kicks in and he feels overwhelmed or even “paralysed”, and within a few moments, the guy convinces himself not to bother.

For most guys, this happens again and again and again! They miss opportunity after opportunity to meet attractive and interesting women day-in and day-out. I suspect many guys go through their entire life suffering from AA and eventually settle for virtually any women that come there way.

Is there a solution?

Absolutely! But first, a bit about me: I got into the Game (the pick-up arts) around 2003 – 2004 after coming out of a long-term relationship. At that time there was little information about PU (how to Pick Up women) compared to today. Although I managed to find and buy a few ebooks and started thinking about meeting more women, but virtually every time I tried, I was overwhelmed by AA… and I tried many, many times! At the time I just couldn’t get myself to approach women.

Well, being a fairly analytical person, I began to try to understand what AA is and break it down into different parts or related pieces. After some research, I realised that AA is potential phobia for many guys: an irrational fear of approaching and talking to unknown women, and I was experiencing that phobia!

After more research and experimenting, I was able to completely smash my approach anxiety: I went from unable to approach women to merging large groups (sets) of hen night-girls and isolating several women from the groups for making out (kiss closing) and getting their mobile numbers (number closing). On another night, I probably approached 40 to 50 groups (sets) and chatted to over 150 to 200 women! Some of these women were between 9 and 10 on the HB scale - almost model-like!

So how did I do it? Nothing magical! About 2 years ago, because my success, I started the Pick-up Artist Forum to help guys learn how to improve their PU skills. And, with this blog I’ll demonstrate how any guy can follow a break-through, step-by-step method for smashing AA and meet stunningly attractive and amazingly interesting women.